Some people say that I am going to become very sick.
Some people say that I’m very likely to get COVID-19.
Some people say that I risk paralysis.
Some people say that I’m a willing dupe of the government.
Some people say that I have undermined my own DNA.
Some people say that I have a microchip in my bloodstream.
Some people say that my brain is controlled by a nano transducer.
Some people say that I act as an antenna for 5G transmissions.
Some people say that I am an idolater.
Some people say that I am, technically speaking, not fully human.
Some people say that I am no longer Jewish.
Some people say that I am willingly killing myself.
Every single charge above has been made about people like me. Every. Single. One.
What actually happened was that I just received a vaccine which will protect me from the coronavirus.
I did it because I don’t want to get sick.
I did it because I believe in being a responsible member of society.
I did it because I accept the wisdom of the doctors who have guided me with accuracy all of my life.
I did it because refusal would have been selfish, dangerous, and stupid.
I did it because I know the difference between science and foolishness, between medical knowledge and conspiracy theories, between informed educated consensus and belief in the omniscience of excitable uneducated minds.
I did it because I believe in a merciful G-d Who both allows nature to run amok, and also grants humanity the wisdom to acquire dignity through taming nature.
As for all of those who believe that I committed the offenses enumerated above: make sure you tell everyone in your camp about my wickedness, foolishness, idolatry, non-Jewishness, post-humanness, irresponsibility, and – most importantly – the fact that I’m likely radioactive. If you’re wise, you’ll keep your distance.